BY JEFF CORBETT
A young man decided to be a monk. His monastery had a strict vow of silence.
Twelve months later the abbot called him in and said, “You have served well for your first year; now you are allowed to speak two words.”
The young monk’s two words were: “Work difficult.”
Explaining that the life of a monk is hard, the abbot ordered him to “go back and be a good monk.”
After the second long year the abbot called in the young monk and said, “You may now speak two more words.”
The young monk thought for a moment and then said, “Bed hard.”
“You’ll adjust,” the abbot said. “Go back and be a good monk.”
Twelve more months passed and the abbot calls him in and said, “You have been here for three years, you may now say two more words.”
The young monk spoke up and said, “I quit.”
Whereupon the abbot exclaimed, “Well, I’m not surprised; all you have done since you’ve been here is complain!”
While that story pokes fun at silence, it makes us stop and consider that time for reflection can be vital to our lives today.
Silence is Golden
The noise level of life is at a roar. The clamor of traffic, endless TV commercials, loud and obnoxious people on cell phones, the babble of crowds and their collective conversations are just some of what you put up with.
I was in my doctor’s office last week, and a woman in the waiting room was playing some handheld device that would cheer loudly when she scored. It was terribly irritating, and I’m surprised the sick folks sitting nearby didn’t team up and go cough on her.
The value of silence dawned on me when I heard a radio interview with Anne Leclaire, author of “Listening Below the Noise: A Meditation on the Practice of Silence.”
Imagine yourself in her situation—every other Monday she observes total silence for the entire day, with no talking whatsoever. (She said her husband has gotten use to it).
Leclaire explained her silent days made her realize how many of our day-to-day activities really aren’t that important, and we clog our lives with endless distractions that are an illusion of true progress and living.
A whole day of silence is impractical or impossible for most of us; so let’s explore the benefits to you to recharge with some quiet time each day and night.
Introverts and Extroverts
While some sources suggest Americans generally dislike silence and feel uncomfortable with it, especially in social situations, others indicate that a significant portion of Americans are actually comfortable with silence and even prefer it over small talk with strangers.
You are most likely familiar with Introverts and extroverts. See which one you are by the descriptions below.
Our world needs both kinds of people.
Introverts are more reserved and speak less often, but when they do, it can be more thoughtful. Extroverts often jump into a conversation with both feet, speaking frequently and spontaneously.
The difference isn’t just about how much someone talks — it’s also about how they recharge.
Introverts lose energy in prolonged social interactions, while extroverts gain energy. That’s why extroverts often dominate conversations, especially in fast-paced or group settings.
So while extroverts may speak more, introverts often bring depth and precision to their words, and introverts listen more, thus sometimes learn more. Extroverts are often the life of the party.
Awkward Silence
On the June Blog of the website PrePly, Gina Sole shared the following statistics:
· The average American begins to feel awkward after 6.3 seconds of silence. That’s faster than in many Asian cultures, where silence is often seen as respectful or contemplative.
· Strangers (53%) make Americans feel the most awkward in silence, followed by distant family members (33.4%) and bosses (29.5%).
· The most common situations where Americans experience awkward silence are on first dates (83.9%), casual conversations with strangers (80.9%), and while breaking up with someone (78.9%).
Quiet Balances Noise
Many Americans rarely experience silence. At home, we leave our TVs on to provide background noise. Music on smart phones and car stereos constantly fill the air. A gym is full of those getting fit with earbuds full of music.
These are all fine, but think how you can balance the noise of your life with peaceful quiet and some silence from time to time.
When is the last time you spent 30 minutes or longer in silence? Before August is over, try it at least once.
The next time you’re driving and there’s nothing on the radio, turn it off and enjoy the quiet. Take time to think of the blessings in life you have been given. We don’t do that nearly enough.
After dinner, take an evening walk alone with no headphones on. Listen to the sounds of nature, the timeless summertime songs of cicadas filling the evening air. Watch the fireflies glow.
Come out from your air conditioning for a spell and watch the sun set outside.
Listen to what your thoughts are telling you. Become reacquainted with your inner self, the one that’s been drowned out by too much distraction, busyness, and noise.
Have a television-free night. Sit in a comfy chair to relax and read. Have an uninterrupted talk with your yourself, your spouse, kids, or a friend. Take a soaking bath. Do something out of the ordinary for yourself.
I suspect some folks avoid silence because it forces you to think, and talk to yourself. We must look inward, rather than numbing our minds through TV or superficial and meaningless activities.
I’ve said it before — a rut is a grave with the ends knocked out. Climb out of that rut and refresh your life.
Add balance to your hectic life and take my challenge. Take more time for quiet, for yourself, and see what can happen!
Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales and marketing professional. He lives in Statesville. He can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.