BY JEFF CORBETT

In his book “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” Robert Fulghum tells of a young minister overseeing a large group of seven- to ten-year-olds in the church fellowship hall.

He was organizing a game of Giants, Wizards, and Dwarfs, where each of these grade-schoolers would decide which title described them best, then join others in one of these three groups. “The real purpose of the game is to make a lot of noise and run around chasing people until nobody knows whose side you are on or who won,” Fulghum noted.

The three groups would then pass by the minister in a rowdy and boisterous parade, seeing who could make the most racket and bedlam. As the game started, the minister felt a tug on his pants leg. When he looked down, he saw a young girl looking up at him.

“Where do the Mermaids stand?” she asked.

After a long pause, the minister repeated her question back to her, and she replied, “Yes. You see, I am a Mermaid.”

“There is no such thing as Mermaids,” the minister said.

“Oh, yes, I am one!” she said.

“She did not relate to being a Giant, a Wizard, or a Dwarf,” Fulghum explained. “She knew her category: Mermaid. She was not about to leave the game and go over and stand against a wall where a loser would stand. She intended to participate, wherever Mermaids fit into the scheme of things, without giving up her dignity or identity. She took it for granted that there was a place for Mermaids and that (the minister) would know just where.”

“Well, where DO the Mermaids stand?” Fulghum continued. “All the ‘Mermaids’ — all those who are different, who do not fit the norm and who do not accept the available boxes and pigeonholes? Answer that question, and you can build a school, a nation, or a world on it.”

The young minister had never been in such a situation, but he was a fast thinker. He responded to the young girl’s question with “The Mermaid stands right here by the King of the Sea!”

So there they stood, hand-in-hand, as the groups of Giants, Wizards, and Dwarfs passed by in their loud and chaotic splendor, having the time of their life.

Stand Your Ground

What impressed you most in that story? For me, I admired the young girl’s firm belief that she had every right to be a Mermaid and to belong.

Think about your life. Would you say you are authentic, living the life you choose, or are you living a distracted life, based on what society and other people expect or think you should do?

Being a “Mermaid” is not for the faint of heart. Many of us take the established, predictable, safe route for our lives. Mermaids are the captain of their ship, and envelop themselves in a life and path designed by only them.

Basketball star Michael Jordan had this to say: “Authenticity is about being true to who you are, even when everyone around you wants you to be someone else.”

Don’t Judge Others

Wayne Dyer, also known as “Mr. Motivation,” was a famous American self-help author and a motivational speaker. He had this to say: “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

It’s easy to judge people using yourself as the gold standard. As Fulghum pointed out, “Mermaids” are often different and do not fit the norm, so being yourself sometimes takes courage.

People often think themselves special or better than others.

In the “Ultimate Sales Letter,” Dan Kennedy reports that “research from several different surveys reveals the statistical impossibility that 70% of all licensed drivers consider themselves to be ‘above average’ in their driving skills.”

Instead of being judgmental, do the opposite, lift someone up!

One of my favorite quotes is from the Rev. John Watson, who charges us to “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

It’s a beautiful reminder that compassion is always in season, and that behind every face is a story you may never know.

Anyone Can Be Authentic

In the early- to mid-1900s, before television became widespread, the big social event in many rural communities was Bible readings on Saturday nights.

Often, a professional speaker would do selected bible readings, and then the audience would have a turn at standing and reading their favorite passages.

In a large country church in a small Midwestern town is where this story is based.

Charles Laughton, a world-famous actor from England who is popular in American films, was touring the U.S. performing Bible readings. This particular evening, his rich baritone voice was exceptional, his skill at speaking remarkable.

When Laughton finished, it was the congregation’s turn to read. First up was a frail, elderly gentleman toward the back of the church who stood to read his favorite passage.

As he read, holding his worn Bible with quivering hands, it became obvious that if this had been a Bible-reading contest, Laughton would have finished a distant second.

Afterwards, a newspaper reporter asked Laughton, “What did you think about the old man?”

Laughton reflected a moment, then answered, “I knew the material, and I knew it well, but the old man, HE knew the author.”

Here’s my challenge for you: Go to the mirror, take a hard look at yourself, and assess if you are living an authentic life, or do you have room to improve? Being authentic is very liberating, as the only person you answer to is yourself!

Individualism, according to Tallulah Bankhead, is a worthy pursuit.

“I’m a foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, I’d rather be strongly wrong than weakly right,” Bankhead said.

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road  doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost,” H. Jackson Browne noted.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive,” Howard Thurman explained.

Then there’s the story about a monk who sees a man galloping by and asks, “Where are you going?”

The man replies, “I don’t know—ask the horse.”

Lesson: The horse is your conditioning. If you don’t take the reins, someone—or something—else will.

Rosa Parks: The Seat of Defiance

When Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat in 1955, she wasn’t just tired—she was done being told where she belonged. Her quiet resistance sparked the Montgomery Bus Boycott and ignited the civil rights movement.

Lesson: Sometimes, staying seated is the most powerful stand.

Characteristics of Authentic People

· Self-awareness: They understand their own core values and beliefs.
· Integrity: They act with internal unity and consistency, aligning their feelings and actions with their core values.
· Resilience: They maintain their convictions and don’t easily give in to pressure from others to change.
· Mindfulness: They can sustain a nonjudgmental awareness of their thoughts and feelings.
· Flexibility: While they have a strong sense of self, they are also adaptable and capable of evolving, not rigid.

How to Be True to Yourself

· Know your values: Explore and understand your personal core values and beliefs.
· Listen to your inner voice: Focus on your own thoughts and feelings rather than being swayed by the opinions of others.
· Be honest: Practice honesty with yourself and others, which builds credibility and self-respect.
· Set boundaries: Learn to say “no” to things that don’t align with your values and “yes” to new things that truly appeal to you.
· Seek supportive relationships: Cultivate relationships with people who encourage you to be your authentic self.

Characteristics of Self-Aware People

· Emotional Understanding: They can accurately identify and name their own emotions, understand why they are feeling them, and recognize their emotional triggers.
· Behavioral Insight: They understand their own behavioral patterns, motivations, and how their actions affect others.
· Self-Reflection: They engage in introspection and self-analysis, carefully thinking about their motivations and behaviors.
· Realistic Self-Perception: They have a balanced understanding of their strengths and weaknesses and a realistic view of how others perceive them.
· Accountability: They take responsibility for their actions and can apologize effectively when they make mistakes.
· Growth Mindset: They are open to learning from their mistakes and developing a growth mindset.
· Empathy: They can accurately understand and pick up on the emotions of other people.
Internal vs. External Self-Awareness
· Internal Self-Awareness: This is the understanding of your own values, motivations, and patterns of behavior.

Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales and marketing professional. He lives in Statesville. He can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.