BY JEFF CORBETT
IdeaBank shared a story about a minister, a Boy Scout, and a computer executive who were flying to a meeting in a small private plane.
About halfway to their destination, the pilot came back and announced the plane was going to crash and that there were only three parachutes and four people.
The pilot said, “I am going to use one of the parachutes because I have a wife and four small children,” and he jumped.
The computer executive said, “I should have one of the parachutes because I am the smartest man in the world and my company needs me,” before jumping.
The minister turned to the Boy Scout and, smiling sadly, said, “You are young and I have lived a good, long life, so you take the last parachute and I’ll go down with the plane.”
The Boy Scout said, “Relax, Reverend, the smartest man in the world just picked up my knapsack and jumped out of the plane!”
Are You Special?
Inflated self-importance can sabotage your life. Mark Leary, in “The Curse of the Self,” explained that humans “dramatically over-perceive our positive qualities, and under-perceive our negative ones.”
Leary cited one study in which 86 percent of workers rated their job performance as “above average,” which is statistically impossible.
Former coach Barry Switzer offered this analogy to self-importance: “Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.”
Yes, everyone has worth, but we slip when, like the computer executive on the plane, we take our self-importance too far. We should take our life and work very seriously, and ourselves not nearly so. But how?
Winning with People
Our 26th president, Theodore Roosevelt, once said “The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.”
When you learn how to deal with all kinds of people in all kinds of circumstances, you earn a power and resilience gained only from experience.
You may be thinking of the Golden Rule, a noble and timeless truth you learned as a youngster growing up. It promotes empathy, mutual respect, peace, and compassion.
In their book “The Platinum Rule,” Tony Alessandra and Michael O’Connor present an unusual take on this topic.
The authors recognize that with the Golden Rule, when you treat someone as you wish to be treated, you are dealing with others from your own personal perspective.
The Platinum Rule reads: “Do unto others as they’d like done unto to them.”
To put it another way, Harper Lee, in her book “To Kill a Mockingbird,” wrote, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view — until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
That said, let’s consider four negative behaviors. While doing so, please take a hard look at yourself if you have any of these afflictions.
Screw Up? ‘Fess Up!
Nothing kills your credibility like being caught in a lie to cover up a mistake. Many people shift blame on someone else, while the truly-strong admit they made a mistake and then seek to rectify it.
Famed retailer Stanley Marcus once said, “The road to success is paved with mistakes well handled.”
Is it just me, or do you see more of the “Blame Game” these days, where people will not take ownership of a mistake or an error, and point fingers at others?
In a recent conversation with a friend, she was so discouraged about her new job and workplace, where it is common for everyone was quick to blame other departments or employees when things went wrong.
There’s an anecdotal story about Thomas Edison, when he and his crew were working long hours to perfect his new light bulb. It was a grueling process, as it required 24 hours to make a single bulb.
When they completed a new bulb, Edison gave it to his young assistant to carry upstairs.
Cradling this prize, he started nervously and slowly climbing the stairs, one step at a time, taking great pains to protect the precious invention.
Just when he was reaching the top, the young man dropped the bulb, shattering into many pieces.
Undeterred, Edison and his team went back to work on another light bulb, which again took almost 24 hours to complete.
When it was time for the new bulb to be taken upstairs, feeling fatigued and in need of rest, Edison looked around his workshop at the staff for someone to transport the bulb and then handed it to the assistant who had dropped it the day before.
Edison knew how important it was for the young man to get a second chance.
Are You Entitled?
Another symptom of too much ego is feeling entitled, that you deserve special treatment or privilege.
President Abraham Lincoln had a saying for this: “You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.”
The best things in life are those you work for, earn, and create yourself — be it relationships, personal successes, or possessions.
Doing life this way brings you true happiness and a wonderful personal peace.
In a CNBC story, Kyle Young quoted Harvard professor Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, who noted that “after one year, lottery winners go back to their baseline. Some are even less happy” due to poor financial decisions or loss of meaningful relationships.
Over time, lottery winners adjust to their new circumstances, and their overall happiness tends to settle back to their previous level. This phenomenon is known as hedonic adaptation.
Are You Irreplaceable?
When you achieve success, it’s easy to rest on your laurels, thinking others and the world can’t live without you.
When you get in this position, beware! As Benjamin Franklin warned: “When you finish changing, you’re finished.”
It’s a powerful reminder that growth and adaptability are lifelong pursuits. Franklin, ever the champion of self-improvement, believed that stagnation was the beginning of decline.
It takes constant work and vigilance to stay relevant in the game of life, and no one is irreplaceable.
Don’t believe me? Hear one of the most influential figures in modern French history, Charles de Gaulle, who said: “The graveyards are full of indispensable men.”
Are You Better Than Others?
Thinking you are better than others might feel empowering to you at first, but it can quietly sabotage your relationships, personal growth, and happiness.
There are some key downsides to feeling haughty. People tend to distance themselves from those who act superior, would you agree? It’s hard to build genuine connections when others are feeling looked-down upon, judged, or dismissed.
Believing you’re above others can make it harder for you to understand, identify, or care about their struggles, which weakens trust and compassion.
When your self-worth depends on feeling superior, any failure or criticism can be devastating to your ego.
A healthy sense of self-worth is essential, but it’s most powerful when paired with humility.
And over-confidence can lead to poor decisions because it can cause you to ignore feedback or alternative perspectives.
As Dear Abby said, “The best index to a person’s character is how they treat people who can’t do them any good, and how they treat people who can’t fight back.”
Start by learning people’s names and using their names at the places you go on a regular basis, like your favorite restaurant staff or your grocery store check-out folks. It makes them feel valued and important.
Improve Yourself Daily
If you’re not better, smarter, or more experienced today than you were this time last year, you’re in a rut. Seek constructive criticism from those you trust.
The self-important folks among us avoid feedback. Influential minister and author Norman Vincent Peale advised, “The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”
Change Your View
Earl Wilson famously quipped, “If you think nobody cares you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
Every person has worth and value. The trick is not to obsess upon yourself, but to help the treasures that hide in others come to the forefront, when you build people up.
Step outside yourself and take a hard look at the person you are today. Do you like what you see?
You are not alone. We all need others to survive and thrive. Are you just looking inward at yourself, or outward toward others?
Your answer makes all the difference in the world.
Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales and marketing professional. He lives in Statesville. He can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.