BY JEFF CORBETT

Anne Morrow Lindbergh was fond of saying, “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”

Are you — and what you say — remembered long after you have left the room? Do you motivate and move people to action? Do you hear “yes” more often than “no?”

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself as a conversational partner?

There is a glaring difference between the words that interesting people use and those used by boring people.

I’ve picked out a familiar group of problem words and phrases that weaken your ability to speak with power and to be heard, appreciated, remembered, and understood.

If you’re guilty of using any of these, get rid of them and make bold, decisive language your New Year’s resolution for 2026.

Positively Speaking

Herbert H. Clark, a psychologist from Johns Hopkins University, found that it takes the average person 48 percent longer to understand a sentence using a negative than it does to understand a positive or affirmative sentence.

An example of negative speech is to ask someone, “Why don’t we take the afternoon off?”

You are literally asking them to come up with reasons NOT to take the afternoon off. Why on earth would you do that?

Instead, you should say “We’ve worked hard. Let’s take the afternoon off!” Speak positively and decisively.

One note on this: In casual conversations, it’s fine to use negatives; it can make what you say more colorful and interesting.

And, if you want to be less assertive, asking “why not” gives your listener an easier path to say “no.” Either is fine, but positive is best.

‘Assume’

You know what “assume” makes of you and me. It’s one of those words that stops conversations in their tracks.

To “assume” is to be lazy and unaccountable since you didn’t take the effort to follow up or find out.

The word “assume” is a notorious trigger word. Triggers are words or phrases that elicit a strong emotional, psychological, or behavioral response — often unintentionally.

My advice is to use “assume” very rarely or not at all.

When you are going to say “I assumed,” instead say “It was my understanding that …” or “I was led to believe that …”

The Dreaded ‘But’

“I’d love to help you out, but …” or, “I wish I could come to your party, but …”

What always follows the word “but” is a contradiction to what preceded it.

Instead of “but,” use the word “and” or the word “however.”

“But” throws a major red flag in the mind of your listener. It’s another “trigger” word as it puts your listener on high alert.

Think back to when “but” was used on you. You braced yourself for some excuse or a dose of BS.

Loaded Questions

These are criticisms veiled as questions, part judgment, part inquiry, and fully charged with implication. Loaded questions push the listener into a corner, often making any response seem like a confession or concession.

Examples? “You’re not wearing that to the party, are you?” Or how about “You didn’t read the memo, did you?”

There’s a certain arrogance to this mode of speech, and it won’t make you any friends.

The only time to use loaded questions is when you don’t mind seriously annoying someone. Don’t be that person!

Minimizers

Two words, “just” and “only,” are used to minimize the impact or reduce the significance of something you say.

TV infomercials use these constantly. “Just four easy payments of only $9.99!” These two words make everything look cheaper and easier.

Has anyone ever used the phrase “I’m just a secretary” or “I’m only human” to you?

When they say “I’m just a secretary,” they may mean “I don’t have the authority or knowledge to help you.”

Or it may be a subtle dodge—an attempt to avoid responsibility, accountability, or engagement, to get you off their back, even when the person might have more insight or influence than they admit. Some secretaries are the backbone of that business.

“I’m only human” is a lame excuse after you’ve screwed up, forgot to do something important, or had an accident of some kind. This is often used to justify a mistake, oversight, or emotional reaction.

Another use of “just” is the phrase “I just thought I’d stop by,” which minimizes intent and suggests the outreach is casual and non-intrusive with no agenda.

So whenever you hear the words “just” and “only,” ask yourself what is that person’s motive for minimizing.

‘Free Gift’

How many times have you received mail or an offer for a “free gift?” What other kind of gift is there?

By definition, a gift is something given without expectation of payment.

“Free gift” works because “free” is a trigger word. It grabs attention and activates desire.

“Gift” adds emotional warmth. It feels more personal than “free item.”

Together, they double your dopamine. “Free” appeals to logic and “gift” appeals to emotion. It’s not about precision — it’s about persuasion.

‘I’ll Try’

This is a wishy-washy phrase at best. Will you or won’t you? You are or you aren’t. “Try” is stuck in limbo. So why is it so weak?

· It hedges: “I’ll try” doesn’t promise success or failure — it promises effort, vaguely.
· It delays clarity: The speaker avoids declaring a firm yes or no.
· It softens accountability: If things go wrong, “Well, I tried” becomes a built-in excuse.

Speak definitively and with conviction, and say “I will” instead of “I’ll try.”

“I’ll try” is the linguistic equivalent of showing up to a sword fight with a pool noodle. It signals hesitation, not intention.

Diluters

These phrases weaken you of any authority as a speaker. They’re useless utterances tacked on to an otherwise great statement.

“Sharon and I played golf and stuff like that.”

“We can eat spaghetti or whatever.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you or anything.”

Diluters are like verbal lint — they cling to otherwise strong statements and erode clarity, confidence, and your verbal power.

Choose Your Words Wisely

One of my top-five favorite business books is “Artful Persuasion” by Harry Mills.

Mills shows how we can steer a client’s thoughts with strategically-worded questions. The power of well-chosen words is amazing.

He cites a study by Elizabeth Loftus, where she showed a film of an auto accident to a group of people.

Those audience members who were asked “Did you see the broken headlight?” were two to three times more likely to say “yes” than did those who were asked “Did you see a broken headlight?”

The irony of it all is that there was no broken headlight in the film. The assumptive question primed the viewers to say “yes” to something that did not exist.

The power of suggestion can change minds.

Learn to use well-chosen words to paint vivid pictures in people’s minds, and you will start hearing the answer “yes” more often!

Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales and marketing professional. He lives in Statesville. He can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.