BY JEFF CORBETT
At the end of the Christmas holidays, while up in the attic putting away decorations for another year, I stumbled upon an old taped-up box hidden away by other boxes. Inside I found my first-grade report card from May 1963 at Davie Avenue Elementary School.
I have not seen that report card in decades.
If you’re not aware, Davie Avenue Elementary stood where the Iredell County Detention Center is now located. (When I tell that to someone, they usually snicker at the irony of a jail replacing a school!)
It was a glorious, stately big red-brick building from 1925, and my mother also also attended grade school there.
The Lesson
As I read my report card, one section stopped me in my tracks.
There were headings for subjects such as Language, Writing, Numbers, Social Studies, and Reading. But I had totally forgotten we were graded on Citizenship.
Under “Citizenship” was the heading “Reason for Low Grade,” and beneath that were six reasons for the teacher to indicate which ones were a factor.
They were Talking, Disobedience, Discourtesy, Disorderliness, Lack of Self-Control, and Poor Attitude.
And I got to thinking, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we, as adults, got report cards and were graded today on these six measures? How would you do?
Can you recall an encounter in the past month where you would have flunked somebody on these six measurables?
I don’t need to tell you that Discourtesy, Poor Attitude, and Lack of Self-Control are rampant everywhere.
People talk to hear their heads roar; it’s all about them. Rules are ignored, personal appearance no longer matters. Bad attitudes are a dime-a-dozen.
Let’s take a deeper look at three of the “Six Reasons for Low Grade.”
Talking
In report card jargon, “Talking” means “Talking too much,” or “Talking When You Shouldn’t.”
Did you know that if you’re an average American, roughly 60% of your conversations are about yourself?
A study at Harvard University found that the act of disclosing information about oneself activates the same part of the brain that is associated with the sensation of pleasure, the same pleasure that we get from eating food and getting money.
WTWH Media reports that these researchers, using MRI, found that the regions of the brain associated with reward are strongly engaged when people talk about themselves and less engaged when they talk about someone else.
So, for your report card, talk less and listen more.
When whoever you are listening to starts feeling the pleasure described above, they will largely attribute it to you as their conversational partner, which promotes increased connection and positive feelings between the two of you.
Do this, and give yourself an A+ for great listening!
Discourtesy
Is it just me, or do you feel that courtesy, manners, and respect for others have been on a steady downward trajectory for a while?
Nearly half of Americans report that public behavior has worsened since the pandemic; they frequently witness aggression and a lack of consideration in daily interactions.
I was in line at the post office recently, and the man standing behind me said “good morning.” I turned around to respond. It turns out, he was on his cell phone, and with a sour face, he whispered at me and hissed “Not you!”
Businesswire reported a mid-2025 study by the IW Group of 3,000 U.S. adults, which they are calling “The Civility Paradox.”
It is a paradox, because researchers found “regarding civility in America … individuals overwhelmingly see themselves as civil and respectful, but only 26% believe society as a whole feels civil.”
Interestingly, look at what else IW Group found:
“The survey revealed significant differences between people’s views of their behaviors and capabilities regarding civility and their views of others.
Respondents say they:
♦ Take responsibility for their actions (89%); treat others with respect, even when they disagree (80%); and try to understand others’ perspectives before responding (77%).
At the same time, respondents say they don’t trust others:
♦ Only 30% said most people can be trusted; 43% said that people are generally kind; and 50% say they believe most people try to do the right thing.”
The key takeaway? Courtesy, manners, and respect for others starts with you. The only thing you — or any of us — can control is ourselves.
So when it comes to discourtesy, set the right example. I believe people do not say thank-you or lift up others nearly enough.
Do this, and congrats! You get an A+ on your report card for Courtesy.
Poor Attitude
When the new manager asked Carl if he’d be open to feedback, Carl crossed his arms so tightly it looked like he was trying to fold himself into a pretzel.
“I don’t need feedback,” Carl said. “I’m already the best employee here.”
This was an interesting claim, considering Carl had arrived late every day that week, sent an email to the entire company with the subject line “URGENT” and the body text “nvm,” and mistaken the CEO’s visiting daughter for a lost intern and assigned her to clean the supply closet
The manager smiled and said, “Carl, imagine you’re a smartphone.”
Carl perked up and replied, “Go on.”
“Even the best phones need updates,” the manager explained.
Carl thought about this. “Well … I have been glitching lately,” he said.
And that was the day Carl accepted feedback — right after he rebooted himself with a cup of coffee and a long walk.
Moral: If you think you’re perfect, you’re probably overdue for an update.
Graded Every Day
Here’s the spooky thing: In life, by everyone you meet, you are judged and “graded” every day on many things, which leads me to recommend a New Year’s resolution for you to start now (and yes, I know I’m a month late).
For 2026, resolve to “update” yourself, to use the opposite of the six “Reasons for Low Grade” as benchmarks for your personal improvement this year.
Make a conscious effort to be kind and courteous every day until it becomes automatic.
Say “thank-you” much more often and give sincere compliments when they’re deserved. Help others. Show respect. Listen more, talk less.
Allow someone to pull out in front of you in heavy traffic. Take notice of someone behind you in a checkout line with just a few items and let them go ahead of you.
Smile more often, whether you feel good or not. Do good deeds with no expectation of anything in return.
Practice the Platinum Rule (remember that?) “Do unto others as they wish to be done unto.”
At all times, be aware and be mindful how of you come across. Don’t fail Citizenship.
As Bob Hope once quipped, “If you haven’t any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”
Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales and marketing professional. He lives in Statesville. He can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.