BY JEFF CORBETT
Over its lifetime, a lobster experiences periodic and traumatic transitions. Having no other choice, it cracks its entire hard shell and wriggles free and then develops a new shell over the next several weeks.
In order to grow, it has to break the very thing that has always kept it safe.
The price of growing is to be totally exposed and vulnerable against the many predators who roam the ocean floor. In the lobster’s unprotected state, sea currents could bash it upon the rocks.
But slowly — almost imperceptibly — a new coat begins to form. The new shell is wider, roomier and more fitting for the creature it is growing to be.
And when this process is complete, the lobster realizes something astonishing: The world has not grown smaller. It has become larger.
To evolve and grow, the lobster must undertake this passage. There is such a lesson for us here, so let’s explore.
Shedding Your Shell
Like the lobster, anytime you place yourself in a position of growing, learning, or experiencing new things, you are vulnerable, and you don’t necessarily like how that feels.
Visualize throwing a rock into a pond. Concentric circles begin to radiate outward from the rock’s point of impact, growing larger the farther out they go. A life well-lived is exactly this — constantly expanding.
The larger your circles, the greater your growth. So what kind of circles can promote your personal evolution?
Five Circles of Growth
Although you may think of more, these came to mind:
♦ Meeting new people: Each day, you are surrounded by strangers who can significantly enrich your life, as you can enrich theirs. New people in your life bring you lessons from their lives, fresh ideas and different and potentially better ways of thinking about things.
So how can you meet others easily?
For the past 30 years, I have been teaching my “Savvy Socializing” networking class to business professionals across the Southeast. The question I hear most often is “How do I meet new people?”
Here’s Dale Carnegie’s answer: “Become genuinely interested in others rather than trying to make them interested in you.”
To do that, ask sincere questions about that person. When I meet a stranger, one thing I often do is ask if they are from Statesville, and many times, they say they moved here from another city.
That answer automatically gives you your next question. I say, “First of all, welcome! What made you choose Statesville?”
You’ll get many answers to that question, and with that, you already have the conversation going full-speed. Once you establish rapport, remember to ask their name to personalize the conversation.
Learn how to use small talk to break the ice. I go to Planet Fitness, where I recently met a gentleman this way. We were in the locker room, and I said “I’ve noticed that you’re a real regular here, and you’re always on the stair climber, is that your favorite machine?”
Now we chat or acknowledge each other whenever we cross paths at the gym.
Studies show that people have their highest situational anxiety when doing these three things — public speaking, job interviews, and yes, meeting strangers.
Your assignment? Meet someone new every week.
Don’t let your fear of rejection keep you from initiating a conversation. Meeting others can change and expand your life and your enjoyment of it all!
♦ Learning a new skill: When you start learning a new skill, you will be clumsy, slow, and make mistakes. But that’s how you learn!
Don’t quit just because you can’t do something on the first try. Put your heart into it and challenge yourself. Now you’re living — not just going through the motions like stuck people do.
Whenever you attempt a new endeavor, you add knowledge, opportunities, and energy to your life.
Don’t be like the woman who had worked in the same office and same job for 17 years. At her annual review, she was aghast that she did not receive the raise or promotion she was counting on.
When she asked why, she cited her long tenure with the company as justification. Her supervisor responded, “You have not been here seventeen years. You have been here one year, seventeen times.”
In a full life, you are meant to constantly grow, expand, and learn all kinds of new things.
If your life is just marching in place, you have no idea of how much you’re missing!
Become a better you, and if you’re not learning new things every year, answer this: If the world is changing and you’re not, where does that leave you?
♦ Having new experiences: Once, when I sensed I was becoming stale and complacent, I took a solo cruise and did not know a soul on the boat. I met so many great people and saw so many beautiful things in places I’d never been before.
You don’t have to do something that extreme, but every month and every year, recharge and invigorate your life. Open new doors and get your spark back!
Kiss your comfort zone goodbye and live more deeply. You have nothing to lose and a whole world to gain!
♦ Acknowledging your shortcomings: Will Rogers observed, “Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” Accept that you’ll never be a master of everything. Pursue your passion, and do it to the very best of your ability.
Enter the 80% Rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, or the “80-20 Rule.” There is a quiet power in this idea — to put 80% of your effort into the things you do well, to gain mastery, and 20% of your energy and focus to those in which you need to improve.
It’s almost a counter-cultural stance in a world obsessed with “fixing weaknesses.” But it’s also a deeply strategic one.
Your strengths are the places where the world is already trying to meet you halfway. Why would you spend most of your time walking in the opposite direction?
In his story “The 80/20 Rule of Sales: How to Find Your Best Customers” in the October 2013 issue of Entrepreneur magazine, Perry Marshall points out that “we are all conditioned to always respond to the stimulus around us. So if you obey the 80/20 rule, you are going always to feel as though you are ignoring something — because you are.” You’re focusing on your strengths and not letting a world of distractions interfere with achieving your purpose.
Perry also points out that’s it’s common for businesses to see 80% of their sales from 20% of their best customers.
We all have our gifts. Identify yours and always keep improving!
♦ Reinventing yourself: Every five years listen to your heart and mind, and examine all aspects of your life to make sure you’re still on track with your true purpose.
This is your check-up, a personal tune-up that most people never do. Over the years they drift slowly off course until one day they wake up and cry, “How did I ever end up in this situation?”
If you’ve ever been in a miserable job, with a hopeless outlook for improvement, an unhappy marriage, or stuck in a lifestyle rut, you know exactly what I mean.
At his trial for heresy, Socrates insisted, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” While that philosophy cost him his life, it can invigorate yours.
Be honest with yourself because now and in the past your perspective may have been limited. Expanding your world will blow your mind in a wonderful way!
Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales and marketing professional. He lives in Statesville. He can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.