BY JEFF CORBETT
Two friends—a scientist and a city-dweller—were walking down a crowded Manhattan sidewalk at lunchtime. Taxis blared. Vendors shouted. A construction crew jackhammered somewhere nearby. The whole street vibrated with noise.
Suddenly, the scientist stopped mid‑stride. “Did you hear that?” he said.
“Hear what?” his friend asked.
“A cricket,” the scientist replied.
The friend laughed. “A cricket? In the middle of Manhattan? That’s impossible.”
But the scientist was already scanning the base of a building, then a planter overflowing with ivy. He reached in gently and lifted a single leaf. There it was—a tiny cricket, chirping its heart out.
The friend stared. “How on earth did you hear that in all this noise?”
The scientist didn’t answer. Instead, he reached into his pocket, pulled out a dime and two quarters and tossed it on the sidewalk. Half a dozen people turned instantly. A few even bent down to look.
The scientist turned to his friend, smiled, and said, “One hears what one listens for.”
Hearing vs. Listening
While people may use these two terms interchangeably, there is a world of difference. Hearing is the physical, inborn ability to detect sound, and requires no conscious effort. Listening is the active, intentional, and mental process of paying attention to and interpreting those sounds to understand meaning. While hearing is passive and automatic, listening requires effort, cognitive focus, and motivation to process the message.
American author and leadership expert John Maxwell explained that “the overwhelming majority of communication problems come from poor listening.”
Let’s dig in to see how you can become a highly sought-out conversational partner because of your exceptional listening skills.
Good Listeners Learn More
Wring in Forbes magazine, social media guru Jodie Cook offered the following: “If you talk more than you listen, your learning is limited. When you speak, you can only say things you already know, but when you listen, you learn another point of view or new information.”
A study by the Harvard University Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Lab revealed that people spend 60 percent of their conversations talking about themselves.
When we aren’t talking, we’re often constructing our response instead of giving the speaker 100 percent of our attention.
Back in 100 AD, philosopher Epictetus observed: “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
W.A.I.T.
In his book “THEM – The Richer Life Found in Caring for Others,” author John Certalic shared the W.A.I.T. principle.
W.A.I.T. stands for “Why Am I Talking?”
I love how Certalic proposes you do an exercise to learn and burn this process into your brain.
“Ask yourself this question (‘Why am I talking’) four times, each time saying one of the four words louder than the other three. Each time you do it, you will create an opportunity for self-examination and monitoring of your listening skills,” Certalic explained.
Practice TMAY
Imagine that every person you meet has these four letters tattooed on their forehead, TMAY. This stands for “Tell Me About Yourself,” and you will never be at a loss for conversation when you ask this question.
There’s a story about two 19th-Century British leaders, William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli, as told by a Victorian matron.
“When I talk to Mr. Gladstone, I feel he’s the most intelligent man in the world,” the matron said.
“But, when I talk to Mr. Disraeli, I feel I’m the most intelligent woman in the world,” she added.
Disraeli knew the power of listening well.
True listening takes work, but pays big dividends. Think back to when someone truly took the time to listen and understand you and what you said. How did you feel?
Or, think of a time when you intently listened to someone, trying to capture every thought. What did it feel like to listen so attentively? Such listening as this is priceless — and rare.
Your Wandering Mind
There’s a cruel trick human nature plays on us all when it comes to listening well. It’s called the Speech-Listening Differential, and you commit this faux pas every day. It’s human nature.
Most of us in the South speak an average of 125 words per minute. However, you can comprehend 400 to 500 words per minute, so you’re only using 25 to 35 percent of your total listening capacity, with all that excess capacity just sitting idle.
While your conversational partner is talking, if what’s being said is not interesting, pertinent, compelling, and of value to you, you use your surplus capacity to let your mind wander, thinking about someone you need to call, something you forgot to do, your upcoming weekend, or what you need from the grocery store.
How can you avoid the Speech-Listening Differential trap and become a better listener?
♦ Focus: Shut out distractions. Listen with the intent of remembering. Truly focusing has helped me double my recall of people’s names.
If you catch your attention drifting off, immediately bring it back to the person speaking to you.
A Yale University Study found that people forget 40 percent of what you say to them in just 20 minutes after your presentation and 60 percent within a half day. Within a week, 90 percent of what you say is forgotten.
Listen with intent, listen for meaning and understanding, and don’t miss what they are saying, even if you’re thinking of what you’ll say as soon as they stop talking.
As Stephen R. Covey wisely noted, “Most people listen with the intent to respond instead of listening with the intent to understand.”
♦ Practice the Magic Minute: Stephen Lazoritz presents this idea in the Physician Executive magazine. Let your partner speak freely for at least one minute before you give any reply or interruption. This is THEIR minute.
It could be details of the most boring vacation ever so keep good eye contact, smile, and say “wow” a couple of times, and be totally engaged.
The Magic Minute is a great technique if you’re dealing with an angry person. Let them rant uninterrupted for at least a minute and get it out of their system.
♦ Offer Minimal Encouragers: While you are listening, use head nods, “uh-huhs,” an occasional and enthusiastic “Really?” or “Tell me more!” to show you’re listening and totally with them.
Remember, knowledge is power, so the longer they talk, the more you learn about them, their life, and their beliefs; thus, the better you can serve and connect more deeply with them.
♦ Take Notes: This shows their words are important enough to you to be written down. It’s also a great way to keep records of what was said, and a proven way to gain back control of the conversation when someone is angry or complaining!
Final Thoughts
Make 2026 the year you became an awesome listener, and remember, everyone you listen to wants to be heard, valued, and understood. You will discover that listening well is its own form of brilliance.
An old Scottish verse says it best: “His thoughts were slow, his words were few, and never formed to glisten; But he was a joy for all the clan, for you should have heard him listen.”
Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales and marketing professional. He lives in Statesville. He can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.