The term “femcel” has been gaining attention online. It’s used in memes, discussions, and dating conversations, but do you actually know what it means and what the term’s purpose is?

Some people use it as an insult, while others reclaim it as part of their identity. Like many internet-born terms, the identity of femcels is based on stereotypes. But is there a drop of truth in it?

What Is a Femcel?

“Femcel” is short for female involuntary celibate, and it’s used to refer to women who are involuntarily excluded from romantic or sexual relationships.

The term was initially created for men: “incel,” as in involuntarily celibate. But after discussions on dating forums, people started to wonder whether there are female versions of incels.

And sure, there are women who want romantic relationships but can’t find a partner. However, the term “femcel” may be considered problematic for a few reasons:

• It reinforces the stereotype that every woman who’s not in a relationship is deeply unhappy.
• This term is overly misused to humiliate and insult lonely women.
• It reinforces the idea that every woman who has standards is a femcel.
• This term is overly sexualized.

Moreover, this term doesn’t differentiate the shades of women with disabilities and mental health conditions, who can’t have relationships mostly because of societal bias. For example, those coming after a neurotypical vs neurodivergent test learn that they’re not femcels but neurodivergents. Dating life for neurodivergent women can be even harder due to societal pressure and communication struggles.

At the same time, the meaning isn’t one-dimensional. Some women use the term more ironically or as a form of self-awareness. It’s much easier to summarize your dating experience under one label, “femcel,” rather than diving deep into personal stories.

In this article, we’ll use the term “femcel” for informational purposes only to refer to women who are interested in romantic relationships but struggle with finding/staying in one.

Signs You’re a Femcel

These signs were collected from social media and online forums, where women who identified as femcels shared their personal experiences. Here are some common signs that may resonate:

• Low self-esteem. Femcels commonly believe they’re not attractive, interesting, or “good enough” for relationships, even when others don’t see them that way.
• Involuntary celibacy. Some women want connection and intimacy, but may feel like it’s out of reach, not by choice but due to circumstances or perceived limitations.
• Negative experiences with past relationships. Not all femcels, but some experienced being in toxic/unhealthy relationships that may have distorted their view of men or relationships. That’s why they may be biased about certain partners or dating styles.
• Feeling ashamed or “behind.” Anonymous femcels online share that they feel inadequate in comparison to other women. It’s like they miss out or do not progress the way they “should.”
• Experiences with ageism. Most women who feel pressure for not being in relationships do so due to their age. This pressure is mostly dictated by society, with phrases like “the clock is ticking.”
• Experiences with lookism. Many femcels shared that they feel left out of relationships because they believe that attractiveness determines one’s worth in relationships.
• Internalized misogyny. Some femcels shared that they don’t feel support or sisterhood spirit from other women. And they’re left with beliefs that all women are competitors and there is no such thing as “female friendship.”

Experiencing one or a few of these femcel signs doesn’t automatically make you not enough. It shows that your life experience probably taught you to be more cautious. Let’s explore what experiences might have formed what we know as “femcel behavior.”

Why Do Some Women Have “Femcel” Behavior?

• Childhood trauma. Many challenges in dating life appear due to insecure attachment styles. And these develop if a child feels unsafe emotionally or physically. Fear of vulnerability, heightened skepticism, generalization, and more are protective mechanisms that were useful in childhood but have remained as rudiments.
• Victimhood mindset. After repeated negative experiences, the brain begins to generalize and form predetermined relationships. It’s a survival mechanism that makes you more resentful and other people less trusting of you.
• Societal pressure. Women face a lot of expectations around appearance, age, and relationship milestones. Sometimes, this pressure is so overwhelming that some women close their minds and hearts because the standards feel so unattainable.
• Unrealistic standards toward partners. In some cases, women stay involuntarily celibate because they have high or rigid expectations. Such expectations can be consequences of societal pressure towards men or adopting idealized images from social media.
• Lack of dating experience. Some women simply lack experience finding partners and maintaining long-term relationships, which makes dating, in general, feel intimidating. Because of these women, they unintentionally avoid potential partners.

In most cases, some of these factors co-occur and don’t show up alone.

Femcel Characters: Examples

Still don’t understand what a femcel is? Although these characters below weren’t intentionally created as femcels, they do represent certain femcel signs like insecurity, self-doubt, and reflecting on the place of relationships in their lives.

Here are a few femcel characters:

• Bridget Jones (The Diary of Bridget Jones, 2001). She felt really in love, and because of that, lacked confidence. But what Bridget didn’t realize was how funny and self-aware she was, which mattered much more than male validation.
• Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother, 2005-2014). Robin was a businesswoman who also yearned for romance, and this internal conflict caused her hesitation and identity crises. Luckily, women nowadays have the opportunity to navigate both having a successful career and being a caring partner.
• Anastasia Steele (Fifty Shades of Grey, 2015-2018). Anastasia had a visible low self-esteem, and especially in early movies/books, she idealized Christian and was heavily dependent on his validation.
• Betty Suarez (Ugly Betty, 2006-2010). Betty struggled a lot with self-esteem and social expectations. She felt very self-conscious about the lack of relationships, but with the right support, she could rebuild confidence.
• Daria Morgendorffer (Daria, 1997–2002). Detached, cynical, and disconnected, Daria is an exemplary femcel due to having a long-term crush and not acting on it.
• Fleabag (Daria, 2016–2019). Relationships for Fleabag were a coping mechanism she used to cope with vulnerability and unresolved emotional pain.

Is It Bad to Be a Femcel?

It depends on where you stand with this term. Being described as a “femcel” can feel uncomfortable, especially when the term is used to insult or diagnose you by strangers on the internet. In this sense, it might hurt when somebody brings up your internal fears.

But in reality, “femcel signs” are just a set of behaviors that often go together: low self-worth, feeling disconnected from a dating culture. Even if you find yourself in female signs, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you and you won’t be lonely forever.

Find yourself being a female version of an incel? One particularly fun way women coped with the negative connotation of this term is by reclaiming it. They turned “femcel” into “femcelcore” to criticize societal expectations of women and beauty standards. Online trends and memes of women who identify as femcels are especially funny and ironic.

At the same time, you don’t have to adopt the label. If your current life situation feels limiting or painful, you can work on yourself in ways that support your well-being, but with yourself in focus. Therapy, self-reflection, and focusing on friendships or personal growth can help shift attention away from external validation and toward a more stable sense of self.

The key point is that nothing here is permanent. You’re capable of change. And you’re more definitely lovable. But in order to finally see it, you should finally give yourself the love you so rigidly hide from everybody else.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can women be incels?

Yes, women can experience involuntary celibacy, which is where the term “femcel” comes from. However, male and female incels experience involuntary celibacy for different reasons and in different ways.

Femcel vs incel. What’s the difference?

Both terms describe people who feel excluded from relationships. The first is for women; the second is for men. But these terms also differ significantly in how they’re perceived. “Incel” is more commonly associated with online communities that may express anger or hostility toward others. “Femcel,” on the other hand, is sometimes used more loosely, ranging from humor to misogynistic insults.

Is femcel an insult?

It can be, depending on the context. Some people use “femcel” to reinforce stereotypes about lonely women. However, some women voluntarily describe themselves as femcels in a more reflective or even ironic way. Like many internet terms, its meaning depends on tone, intention, and the community where it’s used.

Am I femcel?

Do you lack confidence? Do you want a romantic relationship, but it’s hard for you to get into one? Do you believe you do everything possible for it? Do you have certain stereotypes about other men/women or society in general? Answering “yes” to all of these questions means a higher probability that you’re a femcel.

But it doesn’t mean you need to adopt the label. Instead of focusing on the term itself, it can be more helpful to explore what you’re experiencing and what you want to change.